Not once in my life had I imagined that my hand would be inside the rectum of a poor unsuspecting dairy cow!
Ofcourse I heard stories about doing a pregnancy diagnosis per rectum, I just never imagined that the task would be laid in my hands. There I was with my patient infront of me (by patient I mean cow). She was busy chewing the maize stover the herdsman had piled infront of her, unaware of what was going to happen to her next.
My professor, a very old and very wise man left the seven of us, each one with our patient right infront of us and told us to go ahead. Most of my classmates had done this before so they went right in, literally. A few of us (only two) had never done this before and we had no idea how to even begin. So we waited to see what the others would do.
Meanwhile, my patient would occassional look back at me as if to ask me what I was waiting for. Time was running out so I had to up my sleeves and go right in. I struggled at first but then my patient gave way and I was in…wait…something was pushing my hand out. It was poop! A whole load of poop! Should I be disgusted? Yes I was disgusted. Infact, it was at this point I cursed myself for choosing this course!
The poop just kept coming out, as if I had unlocked a level in temple run. As soon as it was all out, the muscles around my hand just squeezed my hand so tight I thought I was going to lose it. I was so frightened I screamed.
“The cow is eating my hand”
Looking back now, I see how silly I was, if I could slap myself I would, but my hand smells like fermented grass (basically cow poop). All in all it was an interesting first time experience.